dreaming

Lately I find myself daydreaming about the baby. What she will look like, what characteristics she will get from me or her dad. I am really hoping she gets my hair and his persistence. Her big brother got my husband's hair.

And it only got worse as he got older. His hair was his trade mark. I worked so hard to get it to lay down. I eventually just embraced the crazy hair.

Luckily, a boy can get away with a buzz cut and that is the style my son wears now that he is a little boy.

I also wonder if she will look like my son. He really didn't look like himself at all on his first photos (the hospital photo above). I suppose he is still a bit squishy in that photo and the birth was pretty hard on both of us.

I know one thing I pray for is an easy delivery this time. It has to be easier than my first. It took him 24 hours, an infection, fever, decelerations of his heart, and a whole lot of stress and trouble to come into this world. The poor boy stopped breathing afterwards from all the stress. Luckily, he is a fighter and didn't let all that get in his way.

But as you can see, he wasn't happy about it...at all. I swear he cried for the first 4 months of his life. I probably cried along with him many of those days.

Nothing can prepare you for the roller coaster ride of becoming a new parent. As soon as you think you have figured out one thing they grow up more and you have to figure it all out again. And of course, no two children are the same, especially a boy and a girl. I think the hardest part so far for me is having to watch my heart walk around outside my body and it just gets worse the older and more independant they get. I will do my best to remember this at 3 am when my daughter is screaming for milk.

Oh, and I miss the crazy hair now.